How not to shout at children
Shouting is unfortunately a fairly common reaction of adults when children disobey. This parenting problem emerges from time to time in most families: the vast majority of adults occasionally yell at their children. Another thing that not everybody does this in public. And fortunately, the best part of parents are ashamed of this behavior.
Why do adults shout at children? From hopelessness, despair, fatigue. But this cannot be explained to kids. The child sees aggression and reacts according to his temperament. Some children become reserved, get sick (even chronic diseases may develop), and lose interest in learning. Others show aggression in return, either towards parents or towards their peers, behaving arrogantly or vile, spiting parents. No matter how the child behaves, he develops low self-esteem, fear and distrust of people. In addition, the child gets used to such behaviors, transferring them to adulthood. Psychological problems generated from adults' yelling can be treated, but only after investing considerable effort and willpower.
At the same time yelling is often just a habit for many adults. A habit can always be overcome, especially that the motivation for this is good enough: children's healthy body and soul. And in addition, you get stronger nerves as well – and even more manageable kids!
It's worth starting with compiling a list of necessary actions that can help you cope with aggression and irritation. Try taking our advice in situations that you find nasty, but where you can easily control yourself, and choose what is effective for you. In this case it is easier to apply the same technique also when you hit the roof.
Counting. This is an old known effective method. No wonder counting sheep is recommended to fall asleep faster: such a monotonous action calms evoked passions. In addition to commonly known counting in your head you may also count aloud, thus warning your child about the growing anger. For example, "I count to 10, you put away your toys, otherwise I get really mad." The kid will know that your anger is under control and feel no fear, and is much likely to cooperate.
Deep breathing. Equally popular proven method. Deep breathing slows processes in the body, in particular it can stop the explosion of negative emotions.
Go out of the battlefield. Once you feel that you are about to lose self-control, simply turn around and go elsewhere – either outdoors or to another room. Someone shall shoulder parent's duties for you – your husband, mother or a sister – for example, with checking homework or changing clothes after a walk.
Warn about your anger. Most children respond to outspoken requests. If you ask a kid to stop beating the drum and finally sit down for reading, he won't probably listen. But if you add that otherwise you may go wild, and it will trigger a headache, and then you'll get depressed, and finally you won't be able to make a pie as you both were going to... In most cases, this logical chain takes effect.
Set a time limit of angriness. For example, say to yourself and your child, "Your behavior got me really angry. I wash dishes, and it will go down." For you, this is a signal to gradually calm down and play another tune. For the child it means that your anger is momentary, which means you still will love him.
Turn on the game situation. It is difficult, but if you master the following method, it will make your life easier in the future. For example, rather than being irritated that a child refuses to brush his teeth again, you can start, "Do you know what happened to Josh when he refused to brush his teeth?". And then follows a cautionary tale with elements of risk (dentist, dental pain, sweets under taboo), but with a happy ending (the hero began to clean teeth every day, and they never hurt). Instead of 'Josh' you can place any child's cult-hero – from a cousin to comics character.
And it is also worth remembering yourself a kid. Kids fool around and do not listen, this is in their nature. We should set distinct borders where there is a health or death risk, and gently guide kids in all other cases. This will be a great advantage both for them, little and naughty, and us, big and respected.